A personal diary keeping people abreast of what I am working on writing-wise.

Monday, May 31, 2004


I can't help but imbue my life with pop music symbolism, so first thing this morning I played Suede's "...morning" and The Primitives' "Outside," songs about new days and sunshine. I opened the blinds and stretched in the overcast light that tumbled in through my windows, mug of coffee in hand. The cat didn't even bother to wake up this morning, so settled into our new life of leisure is she. Previously, I guess it was in her best interest to get out of bed and squeeze some attention into those bits of time before work. Now she has me all day, so what does she care?

Friday was anticlimactic. The last day of a job is usually overrun with a sense of "Why did I even come in today?" There is no mad dash of unfinished work, no overwhelming emotion--everyone usually has settled into the idea by that point, particularly when you've given a lot of notice. James gave me a lovely bottle of scotch, since I had joked that I was going to spend the weekend drunk amongst a pile of DVDs. And I must admit it made Tokyo Drifter nearly impossible to follow. Not that it wasn't already pretty scattered. Or that I wasn't.

So, now time lays out before me completely willing and ready to be taken advantage of, and if there is any fear, it's that I won't know what to do with it. Will we discover once and for all that I was kidding myself, that I don't have what it takes? No one would tell me I was one of those guys that I'd make fun of, the sort that sent submissions to me that clearly had no business ever doing anything creative? I've read more bad pitches about nerds looking for love than you can imagine, and at some point, I could no longer avoid asking, "Is this me? Am I as blind to my lack of talent as this guy?!?!"

We shall see. A holiday is also a weird day to start things off on...but first order of business is reading over what I've got for The Everlasting, refresh my notoriously bad memory. (I quickly forget things I read and write; I've been known to self-plagiarize simply because I didn't remember writing a line the first time.)

And for the record, I haven't gone 100% slovenly. I shaved today. Then again, I'm also not wearing pants.

Current Soundtrack: The Primitives, Pure

golightly@confessions123.com * The Website

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