GIVE ME A WINK AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE PERFECT LOVESONG

I have nothing of any interest to write about right now, but I just did a short writing exercise for Kelly Sue's forum, an excellent haven for writers. This week she was inspired by Kipling's Just So Stories and gave us topics based on that. Mine was "Why Hair Grows." I was already planning to get my hair cut today, but this puts me in the mood even more.

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Best beloved, as you recline and listen to my tales I can’t help but notice your resplendent, neatly groomed hair. Hair is truly one of the loveliest attributes that we, as humans, possess. Have you ever had cause to wonder why your hair grows rather than stay exactly as you want it to always be? Shall I tell you?

Many years ago, our hair had different properties. Once we reached a certain age, it grew to its ideal length and adopted its ideal shape, and so it would be until the day we died. So you with your curly hair just to the base of your neck—the way you always like it—would never have to spend your time and money at the hairdressers. Styling products were unnecessary, as well, leaving a lot less clutter in the bathrooms.

One day, a pretty young lady decided that she wanted to take care of people’s hair for them. She loved hair, and thought that more could be done with it than just letting it settle into one style. Knowing that location was the key to any successful business, she set up a shop in the center of town. Unfortunately, people didn’t react to this innovation very well. They all thought she was crazy. Why would they pay her to fix what they didn’t think was broke?

This made the girl very sad, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by one particular boy. He would pass by the girl’s shop on his way to work every day, and he had often admired her beauty. He was smitten with her, and finally, after several weeks, got up the courage to go inside and have her cut his hair, seeing it as the only way to really meet her. The boy enjoyed this time tremendously, chatting with her about their lives, feeling her hands on his scalp. Unfortunately, when it was all over, he had no excuse to see her again. His new hairstyle was fantastic, but now it was short, and there wasn’t enough left to do anything else with it.

Do you know what the boy did, best beloved? He decided that he needed to find a way to make his hair grow, otherwise the girl would be sad forever.

The boy tried everything he could. He hung himself upside down, had his friends pull on his bangs to see if they’d stretch, shampooed with plant growth formula—but nothing was working. He was about to give in to despair, but a last minute bout of tenacity stopped him. He wanted to make his crush happy, and so he became even more determined to force his hair to grow. He thought and thought and pushed with his mind, and before he knew it, he had a full mane.

This technique allowed him to return to the shop several times, and eventually members of the town saw how fun it was to have different hairstyles, and they began to make their hair grow, too. This brought the girl tremendous joy, as well as piles of money. Once she was rich enough, she traded the boy in for a younger model and went to Bermuda.

And that is why our hair continues to grow to this day.

Current Soundtrack: The Divine Comedy, A Short Album About Love