Confessions of a Pop Fan

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

LITTLE ARGUMENT WITH MYSELF

What is it about December that seems to inspire major equipment failure in my life? Last year was the great hard drive catastrophe, this year my e-mail went kaput and now my phone wouldn't turn on after I came out of King Kong. That's what I get for turning it off out of politeness. I blame Peter Jackson. He bored my phone to death.

I got the remixes of Depeche Mode's "A Pain That I'm Used To" this week, and I've been listening to that song more and more. I realized that the reason it resonates with me so much is that I hear it as a song I sing to myself, about myself. I am both the "I" and "You." Mercurial Mercutio. The classic Gemini. Bleedin' quadrophenric.

I adopt it as my current theme.

"A Pain That I'm Used To" (lyrics by M.L. Gore"
I'm not sure
What I'm looking for anymore
I just know
That I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be
Instead of me
But the key
Is a question of control

Can you say
What you're trying to play anyway
I just pay
While you're breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find
Have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive
That is fuelled

All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true

There's a hole in your soul
Like an animal
With no conscience
Repentance unknown
Close your eyes
Pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds
That are sown

Can't conceal what I feel
What I know is real
No mistaking the faking
I care
With a prayer in the air
I will leave it there
On a note full of hope
Not despair

All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true